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Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and just hate what you see?
There was a time in my life when my self-esteem was non-existent.
I would actively avoid social situations, second-guess every decision, and constantly seek validation from others.
The worst part?
This cycle of being a people pleaser led me down a path of deep depression.
It got so bad that I had thoughts of taking my own life because I didn't believe there was anything for me here.
It is estimated that over 85% of people struggle with low self-esteem at some point in their lives, with nearly 30% experiencing chronic, debilitating self-doubt.
And I'll bet this is much higher among those dealing with depression and anxiety.
But here's the cool thing: while genetics may play a part in our self-esteem, you actually have the ability to elevate your self-esteem.
Self-esteem is forged from two crucial components:
Both components are essential.
Missing either one creates a foundation that will crack under pressure.
I discovered this the hard way on my journey because of my non-existent self-respect: I simply didn't believe I deserved happiness.
It was a brutal hole to climb out of, especially with depression constantly trying to drag me back down.
The good news is that I found a way to climb out of that negative spiral.
And it wasn't from reciting affirmations or telling myself I was "perfect just the way I was."
It came from completely rebuilding how I saw myself through a tested combination of mental and physical transformation.
What I'm about to share has the power to radically reshape both your internal world (how you think and feel about yourself) and your external reality (what you accomplish and the relationships you build).
It's the exact framework I used to create confidence from scratch.
Let's dive in!
Most advice on building self-esteem gets it completely wrong.
We're told to "think positively" or "love ourselves" as if simply deciding to feel better about ourselves will make it happen.
If you've had someone tell you this, you know how annoying it can be.
This used to infuriate me so much because how could I love myself if I hated everything about myself?
Understanding intellectually that you should value yourself doesn't automatically make you respect yourself.
This is the paradox of self-esteem, and it's a vicious trap: Not only do you feel worthless, but now you also feel like a failure for not being able to stop feeling worthless.
With themes like "loving yourself" prevalent in social media, it has been embedded in our culture.
And for those of us struggling, this constantly weakens true self-esteem.
Adding salt to the wound, social media bombards us with carefully curated images of "perfect" lives, setting impossible standards.
And our achievement-obsessed society teaches us that our worth depends entirely on our status, wealth and productivity.
Because emotions ultimately drive our behaviors, it's no wonder so many struggle with self-esteem today.
Emotions are the engine that drives action: If we feel an emotional drive to do something, we do it.
If we don't feel that drive, we don't.
Your self-esteem directly impacts this emotional equation in several critical ways:
This is the key insight that changed everything for me: genuine self-esteem comes from proven capability and aligned actions, not just positive thinking.
When you take actions that demonstrate your competence and live in alignment with your values, your confidence naturally follows.
The battle plan I'm about to share addresses both mind and body because they're inseparable when it comes to how you feel about yourself.
This tactical approach is what sets it apart from the typical "just think better thoughts" advice that ultimately leaves you feeling more inadequate than before.
True self-esteem isn't about eliminating all self-doubt or never feeling insecure again.
It's about building a foundation of self-worth that's strong enough to withstand life's inevitable challenges and setbacks.
Let's get into it.
"Action is a high road to self-confidence and esteem."
- Bruce Lee
These four battle-tested steps aren't just feel-good idea: they're a blueprint for rewiring your self-perception from the ground up.
Each builds on the previous, creating an arsenal of mental weapons against self-doubt.
Your body and mind are not separate systems - they're deeply interconnected.
How you treat your body directly impacts how you feel about yourself.
I discovered this firsthand when I was at my lowest point, and exercise was the thing that helped me start my mental health and self-esteem journey.
Real transformation begins when you stop neglecting your body.
Your body is sending signals to your brain constantly, and when those signals say "weak," "tired," or "neglected," your self-image follows suit.
When you complete a workout, even a small one, you've just demonstrated something critical: you can commit to something difficult and execute.
This builds self-efficacy, the cornerstone of genuine confidence.
Micro-Dosing Movement Strategy:
Here's the truth most people miss: consistency demolishes intensity when you start.
A daily 15-minute workout that you actually complete will transform both your body and mind faster than sporadic two-hour gym sessions.
When this becomes habitual, you'll experience a pretty awesome realization: your limitations exist primarily in your mind, not your body.
You'll discover this when you push past what you thought possible.
You'll realize you've been living with artificial constraints.
Exercise also stabilizes your mood by regulating stress hormones and increasing feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine.
This creates a more stable emotional foundation from which to build your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem often leads us to hide our true selves.
We say what we think others want to hear.
We suppress our needs and desires.
We avoid expressing opinions that might cause conflict.
This constant self-censorship is exhausting and reinforces the subconscious belief that the real you isn't good enough to exist in the world.
It's time to drop the mask.
The Authenticity Offensive involves strategically deploying your true self in increasingly challenging situations:
Start with something simple: declining an invitation you don't want without making an excuse.
Notice how speaking truth, despite the discomfort, feels much more powerful.
When you express your authentic self and the world doesn't end, your self-respect strengthens.
Each honest interaction proves you can stand in your truth without apology, and survive whatever comes.
"Everybody's f*cked up... the only thing they've done better than you is they've hidden their f*cked up world better than you have."
- David Goggins
Most of us are caught in the perfectionism trap.
We believe if we could just fix all our flaws, eliminate all our weaknesses, and excel at everything we try, then we'd finally feel worthy.
This approach is backward, and it's keeping you stuck.
The foundation of genuine self-worth isn't perfect.
True self-worth is knowing that you're flawed, imperfect, and so is everyone else on the planet.
You're likely average at most things, exceptional at a few things, and below average at others.
Maybe you suck at a lot of things, like I do.
This isn't just okay – it's the human condition.
The Radical Acceptance Journaling Practice:
For example, I routinely criticize my memory.
I need to document most small tasks while my fiancée recalls everything effortlessly.
While this isn't my strength, I compensate by giving intense focus to the main critical priorities I set.
I am confident I can get the job done for the stuff that matters most.
Remember: accepting your flaws doesn't mean surrendering to them.
It means you stop making your worth conditional on being flawless.
When self-critical thoughts arise, acknowledge them without engaging.
They're just weather patterns in your mind, not truth.
Many people with low self-esteem either avoid setting goals altogether (for fear of failure) or set goals based entirely on what they think will impress others.
Neither approach builds genuine self-worth.
Strategic goal setting focuses on processes rather than outcomes and aligns your actions with your personal values:
Apply the "Goal Integrity Check" with major decisions:
Don't just set a goal to "lose 20 pounds to look better."
Break the goal down to processes and into daily actions: "Execute 30 minutes of physical training daily" and "Consume protein with every meal."
Celebrate disciplined execution rather than perfect outcomes.
Track your adherence to the process relentlessly.
When you pursue goals and actions aligned with your personal code, you build self-respect.
And when you consistently work closer toward those goals, you build self-efficacy.
Together, these forge unbreakable self-worth.
Building genuine self-esteem will not happen over one weekend.
It's a life discipline that is cultivated through daily practice.
The 4-step blueprint I've shared is your battle plan, but your daily choices are what will ultimately reforge your mind & body.
Start where you are.
If your self-esteem is particularly fragile right now, begin with exercise like I did.
From there, more onwards.
Each step builds on the previous one, creating a solid foundation for the next level of growth.
Progress won't follow a linear path.
There will be setbacks and difficult days.
Just get right back on track the following day.
The rewards of this work extend far beyond simply feeling better about yourself.
With stronger self-esteem, you'll:
You're not fixing something broken - you're forging something stronger than before.
Just as metal becomes more resilient when heated and shaped with purpose, your self-esteem becomes unshakeable through this process of transformation.
You already have everything you need to begin.
Start today with one decisive action.
Watch as your self-esteem and your entire life begins to transform.
I'm rooting for you - until next time!
No more complicated routines, no hour-long meditations, no Saratoga water ice-cold face baths. ;)
These past few years have been stressful as hell.
While we can’t always control external chaos, we can control how we take care of ourselves.
Depression can feel like a dark cloud, affecting everything from your energy levels to your relationships.
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It's a vicious cycle, but it doesn't have to be a life sentence.